I'll Be Back...

Has it only been a week since the only thing I had to worry or bitch about was looking for a job? It's amazing how in a split second, your life can change forever.

Last Monday morning I received a call from a prospective employer inviting me in for an interview (hooray!) I was so excited and soooooo nervous. I can't believe how nervous I was. I practiced answering about a gazillion questions in my head that I thought they might ask. I even went online and looked up the 50 Hardest Interview Questions and practiced those. By Wednesday night I was mentally exhausted and thought... enough. I'm either a fit for this job or I'm not.

My interview was scheduled for 11:00 on Thursday morning. I knew exactly what I was going to wear (I had even tried it on twice to make sure it hadn't miraculously shrunk while hanging in my closest) and I slowly started dressing while still practicing my interview questions.

Then my phone rang.

It was my nephew calling to tell me that his mother -- my sister -- had suffered a stroke and was on her way into surgery to have a rather large blood clot removed from her brain. My knees went weak, then buckled. My heart felt like it shattered into a million tiny pieces.

I cancelled the interview. The hubby raced me to the hospital -- thank goodness he had the presence of mind to come home and get me -- I'm not sure I would have been able to drive myself across town to her.

We as a family sat there and we waited and we prayed. We prayed to God to not take her from us. I have never prayed for anything so hard and for so long in my entire life.

Finally, the surgeon came out and told us she had a very significant head injury (from the stroke and the subsequent surgery) but only time would tell. The sooner she woke up and started responding the better her chances. I was afraid he was painting a very grim picture of her prognosis, but I now realize, he was just preparing us for the worst. I asked in the best case scenario, when would she open her eyes? He said 48 hours. She opened her eyes in 24.

She's responding to commands from the nurses, she opens her eyes and tries to focus on her family and every time I see her, she looks better and looks more like herself. To quote her surgeon last night... "I am very excited about her progress so far."

The relief that she's alive and doing so well is beyond words. She's on the road to recovery but it's going to be a long, hard journey. I want to be there for her as much as I can and help her and her family every step of the way.

But this is her journey and I'm not sure it's appropriate for me to blog about it so this will be my last post for awhile. I'm starting a journal for us to keep and detail her progress and our feelings so that when she's back and fully recovered, she can read about it and experience it from another angle -- if she wants to.

By the way -- the prospective employer called Thursday night and asked if there was any way I could come in Friday at 3:00. They were only interviewing people on Thursday and Friday then they would make a decision. I thought, why not. Visiting hours are closed from 1:00 to 4:00 and I have nothing to lose and it might be good to get my mind off of the situation for a few hours. I have to say, I think I somehow managed to do the very best I that could do during the interview. I wasn't nervous... how could I be nervous and scared about a job interview when my sister and best friend was laying in the ICU fighting to come back to us?

If I get the job, I'll be closer to her and can see her at lunch time and after work. If I don't get the job, well then, that's okay too. Maybe that's my purpose right now... to help her and her family.

If you're so inclined, please say a little prayer for my sister Susan, and don't worry, I'll be back...

The Start of a New Day

I am not a morning person.

Which seems kind of odd because given a choice, I'll pick working early hours (7:00-4:00) over typical working hours (8:30-5:30) any day. I like being one of the first into the office, traffic is lighter, and I enjoy having some me-time in the afternoons. I'm usually not grumpy or in a dark mood, I just don't want to talk to anybody until I've had a few hours to get it together and think about my day.

The hubby (a.k.a Bob) is most definitely a morning person. Which seems kind of odd because he can be very serious, is quite shy, and has the perfect deadpan-style sense of humor. His personality just strikes me as being that of a mid-morning person, not a chipper/cheerful morning person.

Not only is he a chipper/cheerful morning person, sometimes he turns into a frikkin' Chatty Cathy!

He gets up earlier than I do. Some mornings he puts forth an effort to be quiet, but other mornings he just can't contain his excitement to wake me and fill me in on last night's final baseball scores or the details of the frequent newspaper articles concerning my bankrupt employer.

A few years ago, he had this annoying endearing habit of waking me with... UP! UP! UP! It's the start of a newwwwwwww day!!!

I would lay there and think... kill. me. now.

Lucky for me, he tired of that particular morning greeting, but this morning I woke up thinking about it.

Tomorrow morning, I'm driving to the office to turn in my badge and my laptop. Tomorrow is my last day of gainful employment. I've been working from home for the last several weeks. Which has been sweet being handsomely paid to sit here in my little home office, monitoring my work laptop (just in case someone needed something) while blog reading job searching on my personal laptop.

After I turn in the company's belongings, I'm meeting some former coworkers for lunch. Some of them were laid off back in late 2008. I felt so lucky that I wasn't among them, but now I wonder if they were the lucky ones. They have found new jobs and moved on with their careers. And I'm starting over.

Actually, I do feel lucky. I think I needed this time to mourn the loss of a job that I absolutely loved with a company I respected. I have since fallen out of love with the job and the company and I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to start this new day and this new chapter in my life.

As usual, my wonderful husband was right... It's the start of a newwwwwwww day!!! I just hope he doesn't wake me up early in the morning to remind me of that.

Birds of a Feather

Almost five years ago, I started my job with my current (soon-to-be-former) company. I joined a group of eight technical writers who were the *sister* team to a group of five QA Analysts. Their job, for the most part, was to edit our work. Everyone was very friendly and we all got along relatively well.

It wasn't long before I noticed that they all talked about birds -- a lot. "She can't help it, she's an Eagle" or "That's just the Owl coming out in her" or "You can't give him that project, he's a Dove". Needless to say, it struck me as being just a wee bit odd.

They eventually explained that they had all participated in a personality test that categorized their personalities into one of four groups: Eagle, Peacock, Owl or Dove. It was very similar to the Myers-Briggs personality test but much, much simpler.

In a nutshell -- and I mean nutshell -- here's a brief description for each group:

The Eagle - Achievement-focused, dominant and direct. Eagles need to be in charge and can, at times, be insensitive if their directness makes others uncomfortable.

The Peacock - Enthusiastic and outgoing. They thrive in showing off their personalities and are seldom concerned with details. They are the fun and attention seekers.

The Owl - Cool, introspective and reserved. They prefer to rely on data and the cold, hard facts. They are systematic problem-solvers.

The Dove - Reflective and conservative. They are the peace-keepers. Their priority is keeping harmony. They are good listeners and make great friends.

Within the group there were some people whose personalities were, without a doubt, the epitome of their bird personality. Others of us... not so much. I took the test and it was determined that I was a Dove. That wasn't really a surprise. I do like harmony, I'm a good listener and I make friends easily. However, I also think I have traits associated with all of the bird personalities.

I struggle with taking tests where you have to choose the best answer to describe your reaction in a given situation. I struggle a little with answering truthfully and what I want my answer to be. But mostly, I find myself thinking over and over during the test, it depends! (And not on the adult-diaper variety.)

Am I comfortable walking into a room full of strangers? It depends! Is it a business gathering or a social event? Am I there because I want to be or because it's required of me?

In a business meeting, do I speak up and argue my point? It depends! Am I knowledgeable on the subject or am I just debating my opinion? Is it worth arguing over? Does the outcome affect me?

A new project is up for grabs. Do I fight for it? It depends! Does it tie in with my skill set or appear to be a reasonable challenge to undertake considering my current work load? Is it a project I want to take or feel I should take?

This company actually had trainers who held group classes to analyze the bird personalities, all under the guise that it would aid workers in communicating. So our boss arranged for us to have a "refresher class" since I was new and some people had moved around.

In our group class, the trainer basically said...

Eagles are bullies,

Peacocks are scatterbrains,

Owls are nerdy numbers people, and

Doves are weak and insecure.

I say [coughing into my hand]... bullsh*t.

I think it stereotypes people and gives people an excuse to act inappropriately. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, "I can't help it, I'm a __________". To me that makes as much sense as saying, "I can't help it, I have blue eyes."

I had taken over a very complex project. One of my coworkers was mentoring me on the project and told me to email a group of people and instruct them to repush the website to the production environment on a particular date at a particular time. So I emailed this group of people (who I didn't know) and very nicely asked if they would be able to repush this site on the given date and time. My coworker looked at me when she received a copy of the email and said....

"You are such a dove."

I was taken back for a minute. Here I was instructed to email people I didn't know, and demand that they do something that I didn't quite understand, (after normal business hours, I might add) and because I was polite about it, I was perceived as being weak and insecure? A year later, when I knew the project and the people very well, I still politely asked for their assistance, not demanded it.

I probably was a weak, insecure dove when I first started that job. It can be overwhelming starting a new job in a new industry and the learning curve can easily make one feel inadequate. But I learned my job, became knowledgeable about the business, and eventually became the person my coworkers came to for guidance. I still strove for harmony and still listened to what people had to say but I was no longer insecure. I often joked that I was a dove on steroids. But the truth is I'm a unique person -- just like everyone else -- and our personalities are our own. Not some bird's.

Follow this...

I've already admitted that I'm always behind the times so it's no surprise that I've only recently discovered Twitter. Since I have so much time on my hands these days (i.e., working from home, looking for a job, waiting to get laid off) I find myself fascinated with it.

I'm sure I'm not experiencing the full impact of this particular social media considering I don't own a smart phone. I know... I know... and yes... I do have a cell phone but I don't even come close to using all of my allocated minutes each month. I'm just not a fan of talking on the phone and I absolutely hate voice mail but do love email. I also don't want to be one of those people who's constantly consulting -- and fiddling with -- her phone. Although it would be nice to have a cute little smart phone to fiddle with while I'm out in public waiting on someone or something.

So it doesn't really bother me too much to *walk away* from Twitter each afternoon and not keep up with what my 94 followings have to say. I admit though, when I logon in the mornings, I do scroll way down to see what was said while I was gone.

That just sounds kind of creepy now that I've said it.

Anyway... Twitter reminds me very much of the AOL chat rooms of the 90's. Are chat rooms still around? I haven't been in a chat room in over 10 years. I first discovered chat rooms while I was living up in Indiana. I was newly divorced and had a friend who was an absolute fanatic about them and spent all her spare time just chatting away and loving it. She eventually talked me into checking out one or two but I found I mostly talked to people I actually knew. I did meet some new people and made some friends but mostly I felt like the wallflower at the party, just watching from the sidelines. Unless of course, I'd had several glasses of wine, then I was right in there, chatting away and loving it.

I first started exploring Twitter because of blogs. That Follow Me on Twitter link apparently works. Just like AOL chat rooms, I started following people I actually knew. I remember being so excited and grateful when my friend Johanna became my first follower. (If you're into comics, you must check out her site).

So I started following a few friends, then following my favorite bloggers and every now and then I try to post something clever. I've found some of my bloggers are even funnier on Twitter and I've also discovered some new favorite blogs because of Twitter.

I hate to admit it but I also started following a few celebrities. Probably because of the whole Ashton Kutcher/CNN competition. I just found him to be a bit too chatty. I also don't like the celebrities (or their assistants) who only post a tweet to promote something going on with their careers. However, I DO like it when my bloggers link to a new post. Is that a double-standard on my part? Do I hold my bloggers in higher esteem than some well-known celebrities?

It was a little unnerving the first time someone started following me for no apparent reason. I learned quickly to check out the new follower -- only to discover what I can only assume was a spammer, and .... *block*-- but in most cases it was just a new follower, (probably a follower of someone I was following.) So I would then start following them.

If someone is too chatty (Ashton Kutcher), I tend to get bored and un-follow them. But I give everyone a try and hope their feelings aren't hurt if I stop following. I see the number of followers that some people have and I'm just amazed. I can totally understand not being able to follow everyone who follows you but if you have 2,000 followers how do you decide which 400 you are going to follow? Do you start to follow the first 400 followers then it just gets to be too many people talking to you at once so you vow no new followings or do you check out every new follower and only select the most interesting?

One thing is for sure, I absolutely refuse to follow anyone who has a disproportionate number of followers vs following. I've seen some celebrities who have 4,000 followers and follow 3 people. That's just wrong. To me that sends the message, what I have to say is important but I don't want to see what you have to say.

I once saw someone (on Twitter) describe Twitter as it's like talking to everyone and no one all at the same time. I think that's a pretty close description. There are people -- like the hubby-- who think it's nothing but people literally describing what they're doing at that very moment. I haven't found that to be the case... well, maybe some of the people who fall into the too chatty category. I've found it to be humorous and believe it or not, educational. Not educational in the traditional sense, but current events type educational -- man, I really am behind the times. I'm amazed at the number of companies now using Twitter and how good some of the local job boards are. And it's nice to get local news updates throughout the day.

I like Twitter and maybe one of these days I'll break down and buy a smart phone. Just as a warning though -- I feel quite certain that once I do, Twitter will become outdated and if you still use it, you'll be behind the times.

Too Boring To Blog?

I just noticed that since May 14, I've made 10 blog posts. Ten! I have to admit, I'm a little surprised. I honestly started blogging because I was feeling a little weird about always being the lurker reader and never being a contributor. I've enjoyed it much more than I ever imagined.

I struggle though. I struggle with just letting this blog evolve into whatever it should be and not worrying about it. I try to relax and let the idea for each post come to me and not force it. But I find myself thinking, no...I can't talk about that or this will turn into a gardening blog and I don't know enough about gardening to actually have a blog about it. Or, no...I can't talk about that because no one wants to read about how funny I think it is that Gypsy farts in her sleep or how cute she is when she looks at me thinking what I imagine she's thinking. Or worse...I can't talk about that because I don't want this to turn into a blog that's nothing but me bitching about how much I hate looking for a job, how I dread having to start over again, and how inadequate I feel.

I'm relatively new to the whole world of blogs, and it's no wonder, I've always been behind the times. Movies are not only already out on DVD by the time I see them, they're usually on TV. I'm that annoying friend who wants to talk about the really cool TV show I just discovered, only after it's gone into syndication and the reruns are showing every night at 7 PM. (Think Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Two and Half Men, hell... even Friends.)

The very first blogger I started following is a poker-dealer out in Las Vegas. The hubby loves, loves, loves vegas and has followed this guy for several years. He started sending me links to his blog when he featured posts about cooking. Hurricane Mikey is definitely a man's man (evident by his love of scantily-clad cocktail waitresses) but also proved to be humorous and thoughtful and I found myself *checking in* to see what he had to say each day.

Then one day I noticed Mikey had a list of his favorite bloggers. So then I discovered Linda Lou, one of my all-time favorites. She's friendly and funny and extremely entertaining to read. She strikes me as the type person who can find the fun in any situation and truly enjoys life. I began following her and some of her favorites, (and their favorites, and their favorites, and their favorites...)

I also learned that someone I actually know has her own blog! It's Not Always About Monkeys is sometimes silly, sometimes serious, always thoughtful and it's fun to know the person and the blogger.

So in just a short time, my favorites list has grown, and grown, and grown. (I would link to everyone on my favorites list if I weren't so lazy). I have quite an eclectic list. Some are young, some are old, some are silly, some are dark, some are gay, some are straight, some are searching for love, and all are sharing stories about families, friends, jobs, pets, gardens, hobbies, opinions, and dreams.

I'm amazed at how these strangers (well, almost all are strangers) can make me literally laugh out loud when they describe a crazy part of their day or put a lump in my throat when they share the details of their trials and tribulations.

Some are better writers than others, but they all make it seem effortless. I really appreciate being able to take a break in my day and read what this long list of talented people have to say.

I sometimes worry that I'm too boring to blog, but then I stop and ask myself, who cares? I know a few people have read this blog, based on the comments (and I very much appreciate their comments!), but I don't track the numbers or really have a desire to increase my readership right now (maybe after the 100th post when I've gotten better.)

Unfortunately, I don't think this blog truly reflects who I really am and I'm not sure it will until I'm back in the workforce, feeling confident again. But I can try to relax and try to just be myself and let this blog become whatever it is it's supposed to become. But most of all I can just stop worrying about it!

Home Alone

Things are winding down relatively quickly at BankruptcyHQ, Inc. My very cool boss told me last week that they've decided to move everyone still there into the same building, onto the same floor, except for those of us who are departing July 1.

She and I both agreed that it doesn't make much sense for us to drive all the way to the office only to sit by ourselves on a different floor. So starting this week, we're both working from home until they make us turn in our laptops and stop sending us our paychecks. I assume it will be in that order.

I always thought it was a great perk to be allowed to work from home. Most everyone in my department picked a day to work from home every week. My day was Tuesday. I loved it. If Monday was particularly trying, I knew that tomorrow I didn't have to get up and get dressed and go to work. I could just roll out of bed, waddle down the hall, log on to my laptop/network and viola... I was at work.

Is that why we went out of business? No one was ever at work?

Anyway, I was pretty psyched to not have to go back into the office until The Day. So each morning, I just roll out of bed, waddle down the hall, log on to my laptop/network and I wait...

and I wait...

and I wait... (can you hear the crickets in the background?)

I wait for something to do.

Yesterday someone actually sent me an assignment. I was so giddy. I thought this might take several hours! It took about 40 minutes. I also had a conference call about having a conference call. Yeah, apparently I misunderstood that particular meeting request. I thought the conference call was going to be the conference call, not a conference call to discuss having the conference call. That took about 15 minutes.

Working from home every day is proving to be not as much fun as I had anticipated. My work ethics dictate that I must sit here just in case someone needs me to do something. I don't literally sit here the entire day, but I feel obligated to at least check in every 20 minutes or so.

I've also discovered that I will find any excuse to go to the store. Yesterday it was to buy chapstick for the hubby. Today it was to buy a 2 liter of ginger ale and a tub of ice cream. I didn't want to buy too much just in case I need an excuse for tomorrow.

I do sit here and read all my favorite blogs search the job boards but that becomes mind-numbing by Tuesday. I've also rewritten my resume about 1,000 times only to realize I like the original one the best.

On the bright side, when I finally do find that fabulous new job --

I will find a job...
I will find a job...
I will find a job...

*said while tapping the heels of my red slippers together three times*

I'll be so bored from working from home that it will be exhilarating to have to actually get up, get dressed and go to work.

Random

I love this print by Andrew Wyeth. I had seen it years ago and bought it soon after moving into the new house. The title is Master Bedroom which is so appropriate. We have it hanging on the wall at the head of our bed.

You probably can't see these prints very well because of the glare -- sorry -- I searched long and hard to find the right French Bistro look for my dining area. It's an odd little area... larger than a dinette but smaller than a formal dining room. As soon as I saw these I knew they were perfect. They match my curtains perfectly -- I'm too lazy to get up and go take a picture of the curtains. (Notice the bicycles in each print).

So then I found myself on a mission to find all things with bicycles.

Funny how you can accidentally start collecting something. I don't particularly love bicycles -- I don't dislike them either -- I'm just saying, you gotta be careful because you might find yourself collecting something random like bicycles.

Bob found me this cute little antique bicycle, perfect for the top of the cabinets.

And of course, I couldn't possibly pass up these little Frenchman-riding-a-bicycle trivets. I think I have three of them now.

I knew I should have taken a picture of my tiger lillies before we got all this rain. If you click on the first picture to enlarge, you can see my potted lime tree on the porch. I had tons of limes last year but it doesn't look like I'm going to get any this year. I don't know why. That thing has some wicked sharp thorns on it. Who would have thought?

A picture of the mac-daddy compost bin "cooking" out by the woods. I should have gotten a little closer but it's been raining all day and the grass was wet and I didn't have on any shoes. And of course a picture of sweet baby Gyp. I'm suprised she walked out that far -- she usually hates to get her feet wet. She's so prissy for a big dog.

I need to seriously consider getting a new camera. Oh well, maybe after I find a job.